Update #183 - Heart Desire

Santa Cruz, CA

“…He guided them to the harbor they had longed for.” Psalm 107:30

Do you believe God knows the deepest desires of your heart?  Do you believe he cares about what they are and wants to make them happen?

Me? Honestly, some days, no.  Some days my life circumstances are screaming so loud, the everyday life happenings are going down in ways I didn’t anticipate and my life is the absolute antithesis of what my heart desires.  I want a family of my own, I want a house I can nest in, I want a husband, I want to be married, I want to go on vacation, I want, I want, I want, I want…

There are days / weeks / months I feel like I am in storm-tossed waters.  I know the truth, I believe in the truth, but I can’t see even a smidgen of the truth through the overwhelming, swamping waves, trying to take the boat of my life to the seabed!  I can’t jump out; where would I go? I can’t change course; I can’t even tell where I am! I can’t steer or calibrate, the winds are too rough and the waves too big. I am exhausted with the work of trying to keep my life afloat - all my skills seem meaningless, useless.  I give up; I cling to the deck, the foundation, and pray everything stays together while the storm rocks my life.

Ever felt that way?

In Psalm 107 there is a similar situation – but it is about real sailors and waves.  The song tells the story of seamen fighting for their lives, their courage melting, and how they finally cling to the deck in surrender and submission to the storm; crying out for God to save them.

And he does. “He led them from their troubles” verse 28 says.  Then God, in verse 29, “… made the storm calm down, and the waves became still.” Then “he guided them to the harbor they had longed for.” God guided them into their desired haven – not one they didn’t want to go to, not one they hated, not one they had sorta-kinda wanted to visit… he led them to their DESIRED destination.

This gives me hope.  I think it would take a pretty rough sea to have mariners clinging to decks. I think it must have been a staggering storm with crushing waves and engulfing troughs to have seasoned seaman lose all courage. They encountered an awe-inspiring storm and cried out to God, and God showed up.  Then, in his loving-kindness, not only saved them but led them to their hearts desire.

Do I really believe God has the best intended for me? That the storm I am facing, will face, will ultimately turn out for my benefit?  I think our stance / belief on these questions is the heart of the issue.  If I believe the overwhelming wave of emotion I am experiencing, the pain slicing through my heart I am feeling, the engulfing sadness I am suffering will somehow, someway, work for my best, it makes it tolerable. I have more grace for the situation and for the offender. I have a tidbit of expectation and anticipation. I want to see how God is going to turn this around, how HE is going to make this better.

I believe God will calm the storm and he will, eventually, lead me toward the desires of my heart.  The question is, will I cooperate or fight the process? Will I listen and obey even if it doesn’t make sense or will I fight my own way, on my own strength, on my own strategy?

What storm or storms are you encountering in your life? Can you see a way out or are you overwhelmed? Have you cried out to God or are you fighting with all your talents, skills and past successes? What is the desire of your heart?

Updates:
Work – The Big Weekend, our semi-annual retreat, was last weekend and the stories of God’s amazing love and care are still being realized and reported. Thank you to all the alumni who travelled long distances to serve, pray and hang out with the trainees (much love to you Clint, Khanh, Elaine, Annie, Norman and Shelley!)
Personal – I am battling a head / chest cold that is holding on, and on, and on.  My energy level is ok, but I sound like a frog and by the end of the day my voice is depleted.  A return of health would be great!
Cool thing – prior to the retreat weekend we pray over the participants and then assign rooms/roommates.  Linh and I worked on this early last week.  On Friday, while she was driving to the retreat center, she felt she needed to switch two of the women into different rooms. She followed her “gut instinct” and made the swap.  She found out later that one of the parings of roommates was “divine” and God did A-Mazing thing while they shared a room for the weekend.

Requests:
Work – Brett and I are heading to Toronto next week. He is speaking at a conference over the weekend.  We return and start our Executive Intensive the 7th, have commissioning on the 13th, then Lyn, Brett and I leave for South Africa on the 22nd… we are in desperate need for consultants for both the Johannesburg and Cape Town ventures.
Personal – My cold to go away, for our travel to Canada, for our intercession team to grow not only in numbers but in depth of spirit, and for protection of my family while I am away.